A Caffeine Binge...and a Dramatic Overhaul

When I was in high school and perhaps before that, caffeine was my friend. Between working forty-hour weeks at a grocery store in my adopted hometown, pulling a full load of high school courses and taking a class at Colorado State University, caffeine was my best friend, first in the form of NoDoz and later more subliminally, as a latte or a Coca-Cola. Collegiate years found me waiting for the bus at my dorm or later, apartment, with a cottle of Coke in hand or, if I'd pulled an all-nighter, a Starbucks Doubleshot. During my last week of finals of my senior year of college, I worked fifty hours at my job, took all of my finals, and subsisted almost entirely on java and sugar.

What the hell happens to your body between graduation and two years later? Somewhere in there I hit a wall. Caffeine, no longer a boon to my success, turned against me. If I drank coffee later than noon I'd be up all night. Life at an office rather than life sprinting around a small grocery store exacerbated these effects, and recently, I've been terrified to go down to the office cafeteria and use our extraordinarily expensive espresso machine any later than nine a.m. This is probably a good thing. Depending on what report you read, caffeine is either the worst substance known to man and can create greater devastation among the human populus than a nuclear holocaust, or is the harginer of success, fame and fortune. Taking into account my body's chemistry as well as such contrasting evidence, I tend to remain in the "moderation is key" social order and drink espresso when I am really dragging and otherwise swig a Coke or two during the day.

This is, of course, up until now whem at 2:22 in the morning, I find myself composing far-too-chatty e-mails to my boyfriend Gregory who, eight hours away in the midst of his morning in Paris hasn't the slightest clue that his girlfriend has gone off of the insomniac's deep end and, well, writing this blog. Let this be a lesson to the java-holics like myself out there: too much of a good thing IS possible, and can have dire consequences.

Late in the Fourth of July long weekend I learned that my pseudo-superior, our Pricing promotions coordinator, who I effectively work under/assist, was going to be out for the duration of this week with a family emergency. Armed with that knowledge I set out to work yesterday morning at 7:15 a.m., chugging a Starbucks Doubleshot to wake me up sufficiently for the day. Around ten-thirty I got a double-espresso latte at my office cafeteria, and throughout the day I drank two 20-oz. Mountain Dew sodas, which contain the highest consumer caffeine content available in soda form except for Jolt!, which either doesn't exist anymore or can only be found in certain areas (like the convenience-store equivalent to a video0store "back room"). Upon arriving home after nearly twelve hours at work I wrote for a bit, fed the cat, ate some dinner and went to bed. Or so I thought.

The chemicals coursed through me like a solar flare. I couldn't sleep. Tossing and turning, I finally turned to some academic reading, thinking that nothing would make me sleep like the biography of Ataturk, which is terribly fascinating to me but only if I'm in the right frame of mind. Apparently enough chemical stimulants will get you there...after three chapters (of which I believe I've retained nothing) I find myself at my computer, blogging away and writing e-mail to Gregory in France. I even went for a jog about an hour ago to no avail...blood pumping vigorously merely increases the high, and while I am starting to think a serious sedative, like the bottle of Skyy in my freezer, is going to be the only way I sleep, I dare not drink now, having to be awake and alert (or at least appearing to be alert) for my early day at work tomorrow. Today, rather.

While I've no doubt that caffeine has its benefits, both to the extremely overworked and the endurance athlete (both titles I will attain daily this week) overuse can make you miserable. So if there ARE any athletes besides Gregory reading this blog, do yourselves a favor: unless you're falling asleep at your desk, keep the java to a minimum. Say no to the neon-green beverage. And for God's sake, stay away from the Starbucks Doubleshot. You can down one in the two minutes it took me to get to work today (thank you, Gregory, and your lovely vehicle), and the effects are more potent that you want to realize.